Letting Go of Expectations

6th March, 2010 - Posted by nwilsonadmin - No Comments

Friends:

I asked my pastor, Lisa, last Sunday, if I could have the manusript of her sermon, and share it with those who read my blog, and she graciously agreed. I think these are wonderful words of wisdom, and a great way to understand the gospel reading. . . .

February 28, 2010

Letting Go of Expectations

Rev. Lisa Heilig

A single friend of mine, a straight girl, is looking for a guy, and she has some very specific things she is looking for.  She wants him to be a country boy who drives a pick up truck, but who won’t mind living in her house in Atlanta.  She also wants him to come from a really good, traditional Christian family, but be progressive enough to accept her friends, many of whom are of sexual and racial minorities.  Not impossible, but her expectations, I believe, may be quite unrealistic.

        Jesus knew a lot about expectations – expectations that others had for him that were indeed impossible and unrealistic.  His people were anxiously awaiting their Messiah, the one anointed by God to liberate them and usher in an era of peace and justice.  But there were many different ideas about what the Messiah was to be. 

Some looked to the Messiah to be a political powerhouse, some a military mightyman, some a religious ruler, some a spiritual soother.  And into these different and competing roles and images of Messiah walks Jesus, who is the Messiah, is anointed by God’s Spirit to preach Good News of release and healing, to proclaim God’s dominion of peace and justice.  And all of the varied expectations of Messiah were placed onto him.  Impossible and unrealistic to fulfill all of them. 

        And we, too, we put all kinds of expectations on Jesus.  We think that Jesus should act a certain way, that he should be our Savior in the way we want him to, when we want him to, where we want him to.  We expect he will take care of us, but not those others; we expect that he will behave nicely and politely; we expect that he will always do the same thing.  We have many, many expectations for Jesus and get disappointed when he doesn’t meet them.

        We do this to our leaders often – we put many expectations on them and then are disappointed when they do not live up to them.  I remember where I was in November of 1992 when Bill Clinton won his first election.  I was in seminary, in the middle of Women’s Week, at a session with theologian Carter Heyward.  And when we got word he was elected, we all erupted into cheers because we expected that GLBT rights would progress forward in leaps and bounds.  Well, what we got was Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. 

        Indeed, we tend to put many, many expectations on our leaders, some of which are quite unrealistic, some of which are impossibly high.  But, the best leaders are those that do not give in to every expectation placed on them; the best leaders are those who stay true to themselves and their purpose.  This is exactly what Jesus does: he stays true only to his God-given mission.  He lets go of others’ expectations for him as Messiah. 

        That, I believe, is part of the reason for his lament over Jerusalem.  I wanted to be there for you, he says, but you were not willing to put aside your expectations of Messiah and see my true mission; and so, I leave you on your own.  He lets go of their expectations for him. 

But, I also think part of the lament is letting go of his expectations for them.  He wanted them to accept him, to revel in the reign of God, to find freedom, to lap up the love.  And they will not, so he lets go of those expectations.

I really am very moved by this lament, as he lets go of the expectations.  I know what it’s like to walk with a people for a time, and then to watch them with pain as they choose another direction.  I recently experienced this in visiting a previous place of employment.  While at this agency, I had worked very hard to build up a program to be proud of, and now all that remains is a remnant.  And there is nothing I can do.  So, I have to let it go. 

We, like Jesus are called to let go of our impossibly high expectations of Jesus himself, of others, of the church.  And we are called to let go of the irrelevant expectations placed on us.  Now, sometimes these are expectations others place on us.  You know, I was expected to get married, to settle down, to maybe have a career in something like teaching, to have children, and  to be a good little wifey to my husband.  I guess I blew it!

But, sometimes the impossibly high or irrelevant expectations that are placed on us are placed by ourselves.  I recently heard someone who is very truly gifted and dedicated and compassionate talk about reflecting on her day and thinking about all of the things she should have done better.  And it resonated deeply with me, for so often I do the same.  I am trying to recover from perfectionism.  And as a recovering perfectionist, I must remind myself that even trying to be perfect is futile – neither I nor anyone else is!      

We are called to let go of any impossibly high or irrelevant expectations of us, whether placed by others or ourselves.  That does not mean have no expectations for others, but they need to be reasonable and agreed upon, not impossibly high, irrelevant, or unspoken. 

Besides those we agree to, the truth is, the only expectations that we are called to live up to are God’s.  Jesus, in another teaching, spells those expectations out: love God and love our neighbors.  And in so doing, we will live out our purpose, live into our mission as God’s own children. 

Now, to be sure, this living out God’s purpose for us, living out love of God and neighbor, this will be put us squarely in conflict with the expectations of the human world, a world ruled by the foxes like Herod, a world whose god is the belly, a world where might makes right and the love of power is practiced more than the power of love.  A world that expects us to know our place and stay in it. 

It did for Jesus, who still does not always meet our expectations, but who actually always ends up doing more than we can hope or imagine.   For though Jesus does not meet the expectations of the world, he meets God’s expectations, loving all people both fiercely and tenderly, like a mother hen protecting her chicks.

Though the foxes tried to have Jesus killed, all expectations were transformed when he did more than anyone could hope or imagine, being raised to new life and the power of God’s love proved triumphant over any power in the world. 

Still, friends, mother hen Jesus calls to us, to draw us in close, in that fierce and tender love.  And when go, when we flock to and are enfolded in Jesus, we find that the closer  we are to Jesus, the more we can let go of our expectations for Jesus and for others, the more we can let go of the expectations that others or ourselves have of us.  May we let go of the expectations, and live in the love.  Amen.