Jesus Goes to a Gay Wedding

11th January, 2010 - Posted by nwilsonadmin - 2 Comments

Jesus Goes to a Gay Wedding. . .

January 17, 2010

Rev. Nancy Wilson

Ps. 36: 5-10

Isaiah 62- 1-5

John 2: 1-11

It is the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr. which always comes in the season of Epiphany. His life and legacy continue to be that unfinished call to justice, to a gospel of good news for the poor, and those seeking dignity, hope, human rights, and freedom. His light still shines brightly in a world that needs more light. Today, the Psalmist says to the Creator of all of us,  “in your light we see light.”

Sometime the light comes in ordinary ways. The other day I saw lesbian comedian Wanda Sykes, talking about her wife with People’s Choice award winner, Ellen DeGeneris, who, with her wife Portia, are the second most desired couple to have as “neighbors” in the US (the Obama’s were first) according to a recent poll.  Sometimes, it makes you think that change is really happening.

I loved the way in which the conversation, in front of a mostly straight (and female) audience was ordinary, and no big deal. Yet, we in the US cannot seem to achieve marriage equality nationally. And, are not sure it will happen in this new decade either.  Virtual, celebrity equality is everywhere, as Urvashi Vaid talked about years ago, but the real thing is still elusive.  Martin Luther King, jr, knew all about that too – law reform, inscribing of civil rights has to go hand in hand with changing attitudes, hearts and minds.

This story of Jesus’ first miracle, the Wedding Feast at Cana in Galilee is in most lectionaries. Is this an unmarried Jesus’ defense of heterosexual marriage?

I don’t think so. We never meet the couple in the story, and know nothing about them, except that they underestimated the crowd, how long they would stay and how much they would drink.  

This simple story has many purposes in the gospel of John. As the first miracle, or sign (the preferable term for John – a “sign” being an “action” more than a “marvel”), Jesus’ actions prefigure that heavenly marriage feast. This is a prelude to  “the marriage supper of the Lamb” in which the best is saved for last, the weak will be strong, the poor rich, and justice and peace will reign. The realm of God breaking in, even at a wedding!

It is also an ordinary story of an ordinary wedding that Jesus attends with his mother (birth family) and his disciples (family of choice), which may also been awkward.  Most weddings have some awkwardness, don’t they? Who sits next to whom, who is invited, who stays too long, whose toast is too corny, who drinks too much, or critiques of the music, the dress, the food. . .if couples can live through the stresses of the planning and execution of a wedding, they are off to a good start.  This phenomenon knows no boundaries of gender or sexual orientation . . .! 

Weddings, even today, are not without their miracles. A few years ago, my cousin invited me to participate in his wedding. His wife and her family are devout Roman Catholics, and her brothers both priests, who would also be officiating. I was delighted when the younger brother, at the rehearsal, showed me around the church; invited me to perform the ring ceremony, to sit up on the cancel, fully vested, with 5 other priests; invited me to stand with them at the altar as the celebrated communion, and even to receive communion (I declined, as I knew that would be noticed, and I did not want to scandalize anyone – it wasn’t my wedding!).

They also introduced me as the ceremony began, including my role in Metropolitan Community Churches. I think they got a big kick out of skating on an edge of Catholic propriety. The altar boy who helped with the rings was more nervous than me, which put me at ease as I tried to help him relax! By the time I sang the benediction, I was completely at home.Whenever I think things are not changing enough, or fast enough, I think of that wedding in a French Catholic parish in New England.  

In John’s wedding story,  Jesus was dragged kicking and screaming into the miracle/sign business. He protests when his mother tries to push him “before his time.” It makes me think of serving “no wine before its time.” Jesus and his gospel message is a “new wine” that needs “new wineskins.” When his mother ignores his protest, Jesus performs the sign which helps the poor family save face in a hospitality emergency. An act which propels Jesus into public ministry and controversy for the rest of his life.

Jesus and Mary sound a little like a mother and her gay son to me, in this story. Just call it a sensibility. How does he do it? His magic “new” wine passes for a fine, aged version! Jesus does “all things well,” including fine wine.

I do not have to ask the question, “would Jesus attend a gay wedding?” Jesus has been to many same gender weddings. He has been to all the ones I have performed over 37 years of ministry. Sometimes he was up front and center, with communion, and traditional vows. Sometimes we referenced Jesus’ ancestors, Ruth and Naomi.  Sometimes, Jesus would  hang around the edges for people who were not “very” religious. Then, there were the weddings for those who were not religious at all but nevertheless wanted a preacher to do the honors, wear the robes, and say the words. I always find that amusing and sweet.

At all of these, Jesus was not offended by being low key, or, sometimes, even anonymous. Since I take him everywhere I go, he was at every one, including the dozens of straight weddings for those who needed a preacher who would not judge them for some reason (there are so many reasons. . .)

Jesus cared only about love, justice, authenticity, and mutual responsibility. Where these are present, so is the Divine and Human One.

In a fine new book on marriage, As My Own Soul: the Blessing of Same Gender Marriage, Chris Glaser repeats a midrash he wrote years ago on John 2: 1-11:

“Now there was a same-gender wedding at a church in California and Jesus was there. When the wine ran out, Jesus’ mother asked him to do something about it. Jesus rolled his eyes, smiled, and said, “Mom, this isn’t the right time!” Nonetheless, Jesus’ mother told the caterers to do whatever he asked them to do. Not long after, Jesus told them to fill the baptismal font with water and to serve the guests from it. When the caterers began to draw from the baptismal, they discovered that what came out was an exquisite cabernet for those wanting red wine, a very fine chardonnay for those preferring white wine, and a tasty grape juice for those desiring anon-alcoholic alternative. Everyone was amazed at the miracle, and they realized something eternal had surfaced in that moment.

“But new reports of Jesus’ miracle at a same-gender marriage angered religious people throughout the country. Leaders of the religious right claimed Jesus’ action had been misunderstood, blamed the media who reported it, and condemned the church for fabricating the story. Mainstream liberal churches issued a statement that it was not much of a miracle or else the caterers would have been able to serve a blush wine as well. A little miffed and jealous, even progressive congregations complained, demanding to know why Jesus hadn’t done the same things at civil unions in their churches! And at the Vatican, a special conclave of cardinals demanded the pope’s resignation. Exasperated, the pope asked why. ‘Because,’ he was told, ‘If you can’t control Jesus Christ, how can we expect you to control the church?!’ “ [1]

I like the “eyes rolling” part, because I have always thought there were several places in the gospels where Jesus rolled his eyes, but I have never seen that in print before.  Call it “queer intuition.”

If I were doing this midrash, I might place it in Iowa, where busloads of people, often from MCC churches in neighboring states, go to celebrate marriage, which is not legally available in their states, and not enforceable when they go home. Jesus is deeply moved by people who want so deeply, as Glaser say,  “. . .to belong. We want to belong to each other in marriage.  . . .And we want everyone to belong, even those who privilege grants them immediate access to blessings we can only pray for, work for, struggle for and sometimes die for. . .”

Jesus is moved by the joy that inhabits those busloads of people. I think He would ride the bus in solidarity with them, sing songs, and perform the weddings himself. He would be the wine served at the wedding, and then would sign the license.

Isaiah 62 uses marriage as a metaphor or a new era of blessing and prosperity: “No longer will they call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be called Hephzibah (which means “my delight”) and your land Beulah (“which means “married”), for God will delight in you, and your land will be married.” (verse 4). The Message translates the last phrase, “Because God delights in you and your land will be like a wedding celebration.”

So, as we claim marriage as an option, we are “Dwelling in Beulah Land!” The land of promise, justice and fulfillment.

Weddings are a symbol of normalcy, rite of passage, growing up and beginning a new family. They were probably were the biggest celebrations that ordinary, even poor people had, then and now. Weddings often get curtailed or postponed during wars, famines and prolonged crises. Or, performed hastily in less than celebratory fashion.

Instead of destroying the institution of marriage, is it possible that the desire of same-gender couples to marry sparked some reflection among heterosexuals? Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the best-seller, Eat, Pray, Love, has a new book, Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage. It would be just like our ironic God to use us to help heterosexuals take marriage more seriously. What if instead of destroying marriage, our desire to participate inspired the re-invention and re-valuing of it?  

Marriage equality does not necessarily have to be less “queer.” I think weddings bring out queer impulses in all of us. The best weddings, of whatever kind, are a bit queer in their own ways. At my cousins straight wedding, my “gadar” was alerted to all the “guest priests” that were there to co-celebrate. . .I wondered how many of them were showing up in part to get a look at the lesbian MCC pastor who was helping out.

Jesus wanted the party to get better, not fizzle and fail. His simple act of kindness, and face-saving grace was a slippery slope that led to a cross, and an empty tomb. And to the communion table, that regular party of the church of Jesus Christ we celebrate.

The Jesus who Does Not Discriminate is the Jesus who loves gay weddings – those in Iowa, and those in Portugal and in Mexico City. Jesus knows that state legislatures and courts have no real authority over true marriage.

February 14^th,  Valentine’s Day, a day we have been pressing for marriage equality for decades, is coming up soon. I wonder how I will celebrate my still not legal marriage of 32 years this year – a year in which the news of marriage equality is very mixed, in the US, and in many places in the world. In some of those places, like Uganda or Jamaica, or in the rural US, lgbt people would simply like to be able to come out without fearing for their lives and safety. Marriage is still a far-fetched dream.

What I know for sure, is that the water of oppression, defeat, and rejection is being changed into the wine of hope, justice and radical inclusion. It’s a new wine, served with love, every day, for those who will partake.

2 Comments

Elizabeth Jensen-Forbell

January 11th, 2010 at 1:46 pm    

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your sermons, Rev. Nancy! It’s not the same as having you preach them in person, but I do enjoy reading them.

I am reminded of my own niece, a Jew, who had an MCC Pastor, my partner, officiate at her wedding. She told me very recently that many synagogues would rather perform a same-sex ceremony (as long as both were Jews) than a Jewish/Christian ceremony! It’s often strange where people draw their lines!

in peace
Elizabeth

Jo Bell

January 11th, 2010 at 10:11 pm    

Nancy – thanks so much for a profound sermon. I sit amongst that great cloud of witnesses this week and last, at EDS, in 10 St. Johns. I imagine you and Jim and Pat and Lea around the table we now sit around…laptops, textbooks, tea and juice and wine at the ready…we sit here, I certainly sit here – because you sat here. Tomorrow I’m being asked to present CLM as an alternative to the Episcopalian Adult Formation Process…my professors (Julie Lytle and Fredrica Thomsett) asked if I’d trade writing a paper that’s due, for taking half the class period to tell the story, and show the product, of CLM. It didn’t take me long to accept thier offer!

Thank you that in my procrastinating/study-break moments as today transitions to tomorrow…that I can read a powerful story of new wine skins. Amen and amen.

Blessings on finishing the good work you began in this place,

Jobie

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